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3.23.2012

Get your hands off my Lego blocks

Nino Colla | Friday, March 23, 2012 | | | | | | | | | | | Best Blogger Tips
I used to play with Lego blocks all the time as a youngin'. My dad and I frequently built stuff with Legos, K'Nexs, and I was a serious Lincoln Log architect. Some people played with action figures (which I did) but my thing was building stuff.

And if I had these damn OYO baseball lego players at my disposal when I was a young child, those rebels invading the Lego castle I created would stand no chance against my army of baseball players. Who needs ax wielders when I have Albert Pujols swinging his bat around. Man the cannons? Heck with that, just put Shin-Soo Choo, Daniel Bard, and Stephen Strasburg on the top and I got all the cannons I need.

Dragon at the gate guarding my mote? Obviously, all I need is Lou Mar...

I have to give a head nod to one of my favorite blogs, Big League Stew for finding this link to buy Lego figurines modeled after Major League Baseball players. They technically are not Lego, but they might as well be. 

Now I will practice an exercise in pointlessness by showing you each Indians figure and giving my commentary. Because that's just what I do and you should expect nothing less from me.

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Asdrubal Cabrera

Well for one, his long and curly looking hair is missing. Asdrubal also looks more.... Venezuelan. Not to mention this depiction of Asdrubal is missing his forearm tattoo and signature necklace.

I quibble with the hair because I know for a fact there is hair ad-ons for Legos and while I have not played with them in quite some time, I'm sure they've advanced pretty far in recent years.

There's no telling what kind of hair extensions they've made for those little guys now.

Carlos Santana

If this is Carlos Santana, where is the guitar? 

I'm sorry, but we haven't had a joke about him sharing a name with a famous guitar player in some time. I felt it was very necessary.

Beards are hard on Legos, so I'm even surprised they put one on. They get points for last year's beard, but now it's a little more wackier and a little more full. Points deducted. 

Sorry.

Grady Sizemore

The knees for these figurines bend, but I'd be impressed if Grady's snapped off. Was that too mean? I don't care, I'm going for the laugh.

I like how the folks at OYO listed him as an outfielder, not wanting to test his ego about how he'll have to move away from center field. Great job OYO people.

For consistencies sake, I'd like to see dirt marks on Grady's uniform, just because when he does play, that is a very common. That or the snap off legs, either one is cool with me.

Justin Masterson

I'm not expecting these to be to scale, but Justin Masterson's figure better not be the same size as everyone else. I also expect full baldness when I take the cap off.

They would have got extra points had they included an attachable beard for one Masterson wins 10 straight games and goes on a beard streak like he did last year.

I'm just trying to be real here.

Lou Marson

It tickles me that they included Lou Marson. The Indians got a lot of players, where as some only got a few. What was it about Lou Marson that they decided to include him? His awesomeness? His laser arm? If so, where is the arm extension and daunting catcher gear?

The BLS people made a joke about Lou Marson being included, but if you came into contact with LouMar, you wouldn't be joking.

You'd be rolling on the floor crying for your mother. LOUMAR

Michael Brantley

Ok I'm sorry but Michael Brantley is not that dark. If this was a legit operation, they'd take the time to get correct skin tones for everyone.

Carlos Santana is that dark, Michael Brantley is not. He also is skinnier, doesn't smile like that and feet that are way too big for Brantley to properly steal a base.

They really messed this one up. It isn't very good. It might as well be the black version of the generic Indians figurine they also sell.

They also claim that this will surely be a collector item. No offense to Michael Brantley, but it will not.

Shin-Soo Choo

Alright, I will refrain from comment. Does this look like Choo? No, it doesn't. Choo is foreign, from Korea, he has different facial features than all the other ones. You might as well call him Asdrubal Cabrera at this point.

Choo is also left handed, so he would be having the glove on his right hand. (Yes I know Grady and Brantley are too, but I didn't have as much material for Choo).

Consistency friends! Consistency is what I demand!

Travis Hafner

I know, he appeared somewhere this spring and was photographed with a glove, but how often do you see him with one? Once every ten years. The packaging should at least have him with the bat instead of the glove because it states on the box that he is in fact the DESIGNATED HITTER.

Honestly, what is up with that beard? It's a goatee kind of, but Hafner's shadow is about full, not just the little stubble there.

I once got a bobblehead with Hafner holding a WWE Championship belt. I also demand this figurine to come with a snap on belt. It's only right.

Ubaldo Jimenez

Alright I'm done. Of course they aren't going to look like the actual person.

Whatever, but here, Ubaldo is too plain. what about adjusting his face? High socks? How about including some sort of Acta jersey switch so I can use him for both when Ublado isn't pitching.

Also, it is very accurate that he did not come with any additional players, considering the Indians only received him in their trade. But I would like a no-hit certificate of authenticity in his packaging.

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So there you go. My biggest question in this whole thing though.... Where's Chris Perez? The only thing I can think of is that they couldn't accurately re-create his beard and hair, so out of fear of messing up and getting a 140 mph fastball in the face, they decided not to release the Chris Perez figurine yet.

Time will come..

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