3.11.2011

Pure Rage Perez's All-Time Cleveland Indians 25 Man Roster

This is the blogging debut of Pure Rage Perez. Enjoy what he has to say and follow him on Twitter. Daily updates return tomorrow. I'm taking Friday off. - Nino


Outside of one (amazing) interview, (found here: http://castrovince.mlblogs.com/archives/2010/08/an_exclusive_interview_with_tw.html), I have been constrained to 140 characters or less at a time. While 140 characters is often enough to convey my thoughts, ideas, or displeasure with things on a daily basis, I am ready to branch out. I volunteered to pen a guest blog for The Tribe Daily, and they kindly welcomed me with open arms. With all the Rage flying through my brain, I really didn't know where to start, so I thought I would take a historic look at the Cleveland Indians creating my version of the All-Time 25 Man Roster. So here it is:

Starting Pitchers

Charles Nagy – Please keep in mind this is the non-bleached hair version of Charles Nagy.

Cy Young – He was named after the award for the best pitcher in the game. His parents had serious hopes for him… glad he delivered.

Bob Feller – If Cleveland had a version of Knighthood, Bob Feller would be a prime candidate, Sir Rapid Robert.

Chuck Finley – You are thinking “Chuck Finley, really??” – I’m thinking, ”Have you seen his wife?”

Addie Joss – A dude rocking the name Addie, who has the ability to throw a Perfect Game, makes this team all day.

Relief Pitchers

Chris “Pure Rage” Perez – Um, Duh.

Paul Assenmacher – I don’t know what an Assenmacher is, but I want one on my team.

John Rocker – You want to tell him he didn’t make it?

Jason Grimsley – He’s on here just incase we ever need anyone who can fit into an air duct.

Dennis Eckersley – Nice Hair!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sal Fasano

Gene Bearden – The left-handed knuckleballer Rookie who closed out the deciding Game 6 of the 1948 World Series. Legend.

Catchers

Carlos Santana – While his stay with the team has been brief thus far, it gives us hope for the future.

Sal Fasano – I keep a picture of Sal, and his Fu Man Chu in my wallet. This man has style.

1st Base

Jim Thome – The way this team is shaping up, we might need a little class around here. (Think Jake Taylor in Major League)

2nd Base

Nap Lajoie – This is really a no-brainer. They weren’t called the Cleveland Naps because they slept during the day.

3rd Base

Brook Jacoby – He’s on here to remind everyone the Indians had a team in the 80’s and early 90’s.

Shortstop

Omar Vizquel – This one was tough, but some lobbying from Arthur Rhodes and Jose Mesa got Omar in over Lou Boudreau.

Utility INF

Shawon Dunston – The resident spelling bee champion snags a utility role.

Julio Franco – Obvious choice, as he is the only Major League Baseball Player to hit a homerun in three different centuries.

Ronnie Belliard – He gets in solely based on the fact he created that new position between 2nd Base and Rightfield.

Outfield

Kenny Lofton – After centerfield duties, Kenny will also be the leadoff batter and organizer of the clubhouse poker tournaments.

Albert Belle – Joey will be the big run producer from the Leftfield position. We all know what kind of arm he has, after it was displayed when he chucked that ball into the stands. He is also in charge of the driver’s safety course.

Shoeless Joe Jackson – This guy would play without shoes, just to show how good he was. Interesting note, he resides in Las Vegas in the off-season.

Milton Bradley – Milton grabbed the 4th outfielder spot for several reasons. He’s that team-first glue guy that every roster needs. He will also be the Public Relations player liaison, you know working in the community, catching the first pitch, etc.

Designated Hitter

Eddie Murray – Eddie will rake and fill in for Milton handling Public Relations and the Press when he is not available.


Starting the Season on the DL

Ray Chapman – Not sure when to expect him back on the Active Roster.

Marty Cordova – The lobsterman will get some playing time as soon as he finds his dignity.

Coaching Staff

Mike Hargrove, Charlie Manuel, Mel Harder

Mascot

Flying Midges – If you need more info, please call 1-800-JOBAS-PETS

Opening Day Umpire

Jim Joyce – Old Dependable will be manning first base.

-


Pure Rage Perez can be found in 140 characters on Twitter, but his fastball clocks in way faster than that.

Related Articles

Post a Comment